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July 01, 2003

Democracy - ain't it grand?

Some pretty hilarious stuff can be found on these websites which profile presidential candidates for the 2004 election. Take a look for instance at the site for Other Republican candidates:

Rev. Jack Fellure previously registered with the FEC as a Presidential candidate in 1992, 1996 and 2000. Days after the 2000 election -- but before the winner was known -- Fellure filed FEC paperwork to run again in 2004. Fellure believes that President George H.W. Bush was responsible for fanning "the flames of international, Satanic, Marxist socialism to the exclusion of our national sovereignty." Further, Fellure said that President Clinton subsequently "shifted into overdrive the socialistic, Marxist New World Order agenda." He says our country is "being destroyed by atheists, Marxists, liberals, queers, liars, draft-dodgers, flag-burners, dope addicts, sex perverts and anti-Christians." Fellure, clearly, does not buy into the whole "Big Tent" concept of the GOP. In 1992, Fellure qualified for the NH primary ballot and finished in 24th place (36 votes).

Hmm, he could appeal to some of the folks from VFR.

On the Independent side there's a very close contest for looniest candidate but this guy would have to be in the top 10:

Henri Calitri sent Politics1 a lengthy, handwritten note explaining that he plans to run for President in 2004. It also set forth his rather ... umm ... unusual platform. Here are some excerpts from Calitri's note: "My political party believes in expressing as many laws to put forth as can possibly be conceived ... My dreams consist of forming a unit composed of a modern couple who will assimilate information on the magic techniques of penis enlargement through articles in popular magazines and medical journals ... I am looking forward to creating a large research office in discovering immortality for a human being to live till the age of 925 years ... At this time, I believe that I must become the President of the United States of America, or something similar, to be able to effectively do this. I want human beings to survive, most certainly on earth, as a beautiful organism, in sync with all aliens also living in this zone of space, occuring in the dimension [of] Hell." Huh? From other info found on the net, Calitri is apparently an Aries, a tow truck operator and involved in pagan/wiccan groups. He's also written an article about how tow trucks would have been useful to the ancient Egyptians during the building of the great pyramids. No campaign site yet ... but I can't wait to see it!

Posted by jason_s at 12:01 AM

Yeah well im sure any of the statements people like you or any of the GNXP crowd would forward would appear loony too, especially with the media of today.
Winston Churchill had some quote like, "The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter". The second guy you quote there might be a genuine looney, but the first is more like the "average" man on the street.

Frankly im sick of centrists and big-tent people, mediocre big-tent goverments governing sucks in the same way and for the same reasons as for example large canteens cooking sucks, catering for everyone leaves no specialisation just blandness, the same could be said for schools and kids educations.

Posted by: Stephen at July 1, 2003 01:42 AM

I hear you Stephen, but what's the alternative? An American "Duce"?

Posted by: friedrich braun at July 1, 2003 02:24 AM

I'm kinda torn about Henri Calitri's platform. On the one hand he wants to push immortality research in a big way. I fully support that. On the other hand, it sounds like he wants humans to continue to live on Earth. So is Calitri opposed to the colonization of other worlds? If so, then gosh, I do not know what to say. I guess it would be better to vote for him to get the immortality research funded and then once he's out of office we can still go colonize other planets.

Also, why does he want us to live in sync with aliens? Is he conspiring with aliens who do not want to see us leave Earth?

Posted by: Randall Parker at July 1, 2003 02:47 AM

>>I hear you Stephen, but what's the alternative? An American "Duce"?

This fellow might fit your bill:
Jack Grimes -- who previously ran for President as a write-in candidate in 2000 -- bills himself as the "Leader and Director of the United Fascist Union." As for his use of the word "Fascist," Grimes explains he wants to restore a New World Order based upon the governmental style of Imperial Rome "to institute a military dictatorship form of government over the Earth." Grimes believes that "the psychic is the next great step in the evolution of humankind on this planet." And it gets more weird: Grimes wants to address "the dilemmas now facing America and the whole of Western civilization: Democracy, Christianity, International Capitalism, Earth Changes, U.F.O.'s, government cover-ups, and others." Citing to Cayce and Nostradamus, Grimes predicts that "the United States will be reduced from its present size to a small triangular-shaped land mass through the loss of many of its coastal states." While those quotes come from his old 2000 campaign site, his 2004 is equally entertaining. Be sure to visit the "Pictures" page to view Grimes and his girlfriend (presumably) posing in their homemade black uniforms ... and to view pictures of them eating at different local restaurants. Or visit the "Speeches" page to read Grimes' 1998 remarks delivered to the "Flying Saucer Society of Dover, DE." Best of all is the Discussion Boards section of his site, in which Grimes exalts his followers to worship Satan -- plus you can read about the problem he was having getting to a campaign event in another state (because Mom's car was broken, etc.).

Posted by: Jason Soon at July 1, 2003 03:11 AM

Oh my! This is a hoot! Saturday Night Live couldn't make this up:
The leader of the United Fascist Union makes a speech to the Flying saucer Society of Dover,DE, june6th, 1998

Posted by: Jason Soon at July 1, 2003 03:18 AM

"Best of all is the Discussion Boards section of his site, in which Grimes exalts his followers to worship Satan"

Well, he's got my vote (I love Satanists)! But wait a second...I forgot that I'm not an American citizen! Damn!!!

"[Grimes wants] to institute a military dictatorship form of government over the Earth."

That's what I call ambition!!! Think big, dude!!!

Posted by: friedrich braun at July 1, 2003 03:43 AM

I like the part about Grimes not being able to make it to a speech because his Mom's car broke down.

Posted by: Jim at July 2, 2003 01:40 PM