Dear Laura,
I am writing to you from Los Angeles, because I think you should know more about Governor Howard Dean. Well, maybe.
See, Laura, I came to this dean2004.meetup.com event because I thought it would be a good way to meet chicks. “More trim than a barbershop floor,” that’s what I was thinking. But they crammed us into a small room at Zen Sushi (in retrospect I should have gone to the Knitting Factory event, even though it’s farther from my house) where I got charged $4 (!) for a bottle of Budweiser and had to sit in a little chair in the middle of the room.
After a speech about different Dean campaign events (did you know he had a fundraiser at the hotel Bel Age? I didn’t think so!), they decided to let us go around the room, introduce ourselves, and talk about why we liked Dean.
Well, Laura, these were people who clearly weren’t used to having a public forum, so they blathered on ad nauseum about their favorite topics: how ashamed they were to be Americans, how disgusted they were by the (other) Democrats, how frightened they were when they woke up every morning, and how much Bush reminded them of Hitler (“Yeah, I know he hasn’t done the whole … er … Jewish thing. But he’s doing it to Muslims, you know, in Guantanamo…”).
This took way too long. When it got to be my turn, I almost said, “I like Dean because he supports military intervention in Liberia,” but I chickened out and said, “I’m just here to learn.” (There were some cute girls I didn’t want to alienate quite yet.)
So here’s the kicker. They hand out all these sheets of paper, and explain to us that — just as the movie studios woo Oscar voters — we were going to woo Iowa caucus-ers. (It seems a little shady to me, but what do I know…). And so, even though I was there “to learn,” I ended up with your name and address, and with a sample form letter which I’ve completely ignored (except for the “Dear (First Name)” part).
To be honest, Laura, I don’t vote. And if I did, I’d probably vote for the libertarians. So I’m not really in a position to advocate Dean or anyone else to you. And since your one vote isn’t going to affect the outcome, it doesn’t really matter anyway.
We should get to know each other as Americans again and build our American community together. You can write me back or if you have email, save the postage and contact me at joelgrus-at-joelgrus-dot-com.
I’d also love to know what is happening in Iowa. Do you know my friend Kirsten? She’s from Ames.
Sincerely,
Joel
PS I infer from your name that you are a woman-American. Will you send me a picture?
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