Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The BIG date   posted by Razib @ 8/01/2006 08:01:00 PM

I found this forward from Craig's List hilarious (below the fold)....

So I answer this girls post because she seemed like the type that I
was looking for; laid back, fun, sexy, with a good sense of humor an
attractive description. I sent her my pic and I suppose she was
impressed because she got back to me lighning quick. At 6'2 198lbs and
GQ good looks, I'm not going to say I'm the hottest guy on craigslist
but let's just say I do ok for myself and rarely field a complaint. So
this girl sends me a pic back and to be honest she seemed attractive
and very busty too (bonus!) She told me she was curvy, but of course
all the weight was in the right places. I was slightly worried that
she might be a tad bit bigger than I had hoped but she couldn't be
that bad, right? Wrong!

I got up to the UWS a little late and was 3 blocks from were we
decided to meet so I called her. She picks up the phone and says:
"OH!! I SEE YOU I SEE YOU!!!" And begings frantically waving at me
from over 2 blocks away like she needs rescue on a sinking ship. I'm
like thinking , jesus, calm down already. I hang up the phone. As I
approached (still over a block away) I had to clear my eyes hoping I
wasn't seeing straight. This girl was big. Real big! I almost turned
right around and ran but honestly I felt like a deer in the
headlights, more or less mentally paraylised but still moving slowly
toward her. As I got closer the visual carnage was too much to
contemplate: A girl that was 5'0 190lbs easy but the weight was 'in
the right places?' Now I'm no fashion plate but this girl was more
than a train wreck. Here's what she was wearing: shorts past her fat
knees, sneakers with white socks, and a Sponge Bob t-shirt tucked into
her shorts with a black belt. Are you kidding me? A s we were walking
to the corner bar I noticed her limping. I looked down. Her foot was
in a cast! Holy crap, I kid you not!

So I'm in the bar with her and trying to figure out how not to be
mean. Hell, I even bought her drink (which put me 6 dollars over my
fat chick spending budget of zero for the year). I was thinking maybe
just maybe she was really a cool person with a great personality.
Maybe she' could make me laugh? Wrong again. She went on to tell me
during over the course of the drink the following things: about her
grandmother who died but she missed the funeral because she hadn't
enough money to get home, her mom who was just diagnosed with breast
cancer, her cat in her apartment that won't stop pissing on the
furniture, (that sounded so homey), the fact that she's moving to the
bronx next month, her metro card that was stolen on the C train, her
mounting student loan debt, and the fact that she thinks most guys are
slime and only want sex.

I told her, 'you know what?'. "I'm slime, A big Slime". "So, I better
go". I drank the remainder of my beer like a frat boy in a chugging
contest. Put my glass down pat her on the back, wished her luck and
Does it get any more depressing that that?